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Bleak-Creep
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"Time is money and I am poor."
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I write sad stories (with hope!) and then animate them in cute pastels to lull you into a false sense of security.

Garden Greene @Bleak-Creep

Age 34, Female

Minneapolis, MN

Joined on 2/16/07

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Writer's Jam 1 Poem - Headstone

Posted by Bleak-Creep - September 2nd, 2023


Alright, this is definitely not all that great, and I was originally gonna write about everyone being equal in death no matter how great and extravagant their headstone might be, but maybe that's a concept for another time. I had to work both days of the jam, so we were too tight on time for something great. I do think there's something here, it's just in a rough state.


Anyway, thanks to @JAMRIOT for hosting this thing! Looking forward to reading some other folks' stuff.


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"Secret Society"


I find myself at your headstone once again

This Sunday afternoon

Whether out of guilt or homage It's hard to say, but all the same

I kneel down


As I whisper my secrets to the Earth

making her an offering of flowers

in the hopes that she might pass along my message 

sharing with you all these things I never could 


The words that eluded me back then

the words I dared not speak

everything I held inside, for I was far too meek

It was the thought of confrontation 

my anxiety; asphyxiation

It was the certainty of rejection

that held me back from realization

from self actualization


And I know it's too late now

that there's no going back

but even six feet apart

I still feel so distant 

And I'm sorry

I know that one's on me

but sometimes I still miss you 

even if it was your death that set me free


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Comments

It certainly is rough, I had a thought of also making a poem for a jam, but doing it in 48 hours while you have other stuff to take care of is really hard and I decided against it. So I totally respect your bravery) And the poem actually transfers the idea and the emotion really good

Thanks! I've still gotta read some of what other people made for it! It seemed like most were short stories; I was actually kind of surprised I didn't see more poems because I've always thought they were the quickest and most fun to write myself.

It's all about finding the right words to distill your thoughts and feelings into their most vital and concise sense, but I've always loved it. It's like bottling the essence of a moment. It's great.

@Bleak-Creep You are probably right, but for me English is a second language and it's harder to find the right words so it takes more time to polish the poem, and it's never quick for me.

Yeah, that's very fair. That'd make things a lot more challenging.

secret society? like freemasons, illuminatis, the talamasca, i believe them all, mom, they're scary

A secret society consisting of two people, only one of which is still alive. :)

@Bleak-Creep but mom, the illuminatis there are plenty and freemasons too i have worked to a freemason before, and i have watched alex jones he have recorded the bohemian grove and i watched many youtube videos, the illuminatis they are like bill gates, elon musk, rockefeller, george soros, hillary clinton, nick minaj, etc, etc

I understand of this is:
A falled person with a close relationship (maybe good or bad or a mix of that?) gives to the alive person feelings of guilt and relief cause the inner words (secrets?) that needed to say to the fallen person while was alive but never said to it , so now the alive person kow whispering in some days to the tomb wishing that inner secrets come to the "ears" of the fallen person. like a weird secret society of two people sharing secret but in this case the other part will never heard the secrets.
A dark game of some people use to play it when a person falls away, for the relief and guilty feeling (in a masochist way

That's pretty close to what I was going for. It's like this person is dead now and it took a lot of the emotional weight off the other, but at the same time there's some regret there, and now it's too late to work it out.

@Bleak-Creep Also its like a selfconflict of the inner person in a traumatic event.

Are you ok?

I’m fine! I just like writing sad things. :)

The freeform structure here worked really well; for a poem this personal, I can imagine it must've been freeing to be able to write without rigid constraints. It's also always cool to see a title that doesn't point to a specific line or moment in the poem, and leaves the meaning up to interpretation. Dogmuth's interpretation was where my head went first, but also tend to think of at least a handful of people whenever I hear the work 'society'. It made me think of how many other people were intertwined in this story behind the scenes.

I was actually going to write something more personal for this, but it just wasn't coming and I didn't have much time, so I just tossed in a dash of personal experience and some images/themes I thought sounded interesting.

I've always liked that sort of internal conflict where you don't even know why you're doing the things you're doing, but there's something inside you that compels you to do it anyway.